On being Impulsive

This week has been really busy- because I made it that way. After a particularly lazy weekend, (though I did leave the apartment twice to go to the Ottawa Women's Show with some girlfriends and to go for brunch with my parents and Aunt) I made myself a to-do list this week. I just feel SO behind- and I'm a terrible procrastinator. I did pretty well to stick to the list on Monday (even got my taxes done, wohoo!) but Tuesday I crashed.

Between the events in Boston weighing heavily on my heart (they are in my prayers) and fatigue left over from the day before, it looked like I wasn't going to accomplish anything that night. Then around 9pm when I should have been getting ready for bed I decided to move furniture. Because I do things like that. And it was a bad idea. I spent at least an hour pushing heavy furniture against our carpeted floors because I suddenly couldn't stand (what I felt) was a cluttered wall in our bedroom. When I was finished, I stood back...and realized that I hated what I had done! That's what I get for making an impulsive decision right before bed. Sadly this is not out of the norm for me either...

All was remedied last night, when, after having a day to think about it I was able to come up with a solution. (I need to pause here to note that Ben is a very kind and patient man for putting up with my frequent need for change in our apartment, and for helping me when I need it. Poor guy.) It took most of last night, and a lot more moving of furniture but I am SO happy with the way our room is coming together. I'll share pictures when it is all finished. I actually thought to take before photos on my phone a couple of weeks ago (when I thought the changes to the room would be more minor), so it will be fun to compare!

The problem here though, is this. I can often be impulsive in my decision making and then want instant gratification. If that doesn't happen, I mope and get into a funk. I am not proud to admit this. At 26 years old I am still not able to overcome this habit. Sometimes it can be useful- like when I decided that the apartment MUST be clean right then and there and don't stop until it is:) But obviously I can't always get what I want, when I want it. I want to be that person who is totally ok with letting things happen in time, with being patient. But I'm not. That doesn't mean that I won't be someday though.

My issues are minor to many, especially when compared to the struggles of the world (my what a sad week it has been), but they are not just unique to me I'm sure. Frankly I don't know of anyone who is perfectly patient at all times. It does help me to get it all out in the open here sometimes. If I write out what I am feeling, I can feel the weight of it being lifted as I release the words onto the page. One of many reasons that I am so grateful for this little space of mine.